What do you think of my story so far?

ChroniX asked:


Our class needs to make a story based on physical and or inner journey and it is to be 2 a4 pages long, This is the only thing that came to mind, bare in mind I am no good at English so yea, let me know what you think.

What’s your name? Ch-Cheis. Ok Cheis you have just been in a car accident, everything’s going to be okay, I am a Doctor at St Shaco Hospital, where going to take you to the theatre room to fix you up an- W-Where’s my… mu-mum? Don’t worry about that now we have to fix you up just go to sleep. I closed my eyes slowly as everything around me blurred out and not realizing how much pain I should be in. Then suddenly feeling like a just second later, my eyes widely opened in a jolt and my body jumping up, I wondered where I was, It was a room with lots of beds surrounding the room and was all white with a bright picture of a mountain and an apple tree on top of the mountain hanging above the plain white wall making it impossible to not notice. I then heard footsteps coming from outside the room I was in, getting closer and louder with every step, the footsteps had finally stopped, seeing a silhouette coming from under the minor gap on the bottom of the door was making me ponder who on earth was standing behind the door,.. the door opened so very slowly it became frustrating, two people walked in one of them a male and the other a female, the female was very good looking with long brown hair and brown eyes and the other guy was a little on the chubby side and looked very young, with a small beard covering the bottom of his face, I gazed at both of them and asked the two of them, I asked “Who are you”? The chubby guy had responded to me, “I am a Doctor and we are both working at this hospital especially for your case and our names are Martin and this lady next to me is a nurse her name is Julia she will be taking care of you for a while, Okay?” “Uh okay” I said in a confused tone, Why am I at a hospital? W-well you see you, your mother, father and sister as well as yourself, were unfortunately in a terrible car accident, coming head on to a cargo truck is has been quite a number of days since the tragic accident in which you have been in a comer, While being in the comer we have had to treat you with two collapsed lungs, Three broken ribs, A fractured spine and both your legs broken in multiple places. This has all became a terrifying shock to me but more than anything I wanted to know how everyone was, So I glanced at Doctor Martin and asked where are my mum, dad and sister Doctor?. The doctor gave a nervous sigh as he started to talk,” We need to explain something to you…The-This isn’t an easy thing to say but unfortunately in that terrible car accident, both your Mother Jane and Father John had passed away on their way to the hospital, from the car accident due to loss of blood, Your mother and Father have passed away and your sister is still in critical condition in a comer, There was nothing for the doctors to do. I am sincerely sorry for your loss and if there is any family or friends for you want us to contact we will be happy to do so. I said to the doctor in a slow stuttering voice, when will my little sister get out of the comer, Not for a while she suffered head substantial head injuries and even if she had recovered upon from her comer, it is not likely she will remember you. The other problem said Doctor Martin is that you need to have therapy to walk properly after your injuries towards your legs and spine, which could take a long time or a shirt time, depending on how you respond to the treatment and sessions. I told the Doctor in high hopes that my sister will be fine, and I will learn to walk as soon as I can, The Doctor stared at me and smiled, and told me you’re a brave young man and to keep up the positive attitude.

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