How can I change the way people perceive me?
I’m 6’3″, around 235, broad shouldered, and bald. I’m not happy being this way, but there isn’t that much I can do, really. Obviously, I can’t change my height and even extreme weight loss (I had initially planned on losing 100 lbs in a desperate effort to reduce my chest and shoulders) isn’t going to change my basic structure. I spent thousands of dollars on hair transplants several years ago and while I still have them, they gave me some thinning hair in front with a bald spot in back. I don’t particularly like having to shave my head bald, regardless of the trendiness of it (guys like Vin Diesel and Michael Chiklis strike me as big oafish types, not anyone I’d ever want to emulate), but it’s really my only viable option.
Due to my height, size, and probably my baldness, I tend to be pegged as a protector by females (a label I hate because the idea of a female needing to feel small and secure turns me off) and as some football player type by guys (mostly by panhandlers who figure that it’ll play up to my vanity). I don’t mean to imply that I get a lot of compliments or attention, but if I do, the above remarks are generally what I hear.
I know there’s only so much I can do, really. I’ve tried looking around at other guys with similar stature and lack of hair, but I’m at a loss since most of the ones I see are older men (Sean Connery, Patrick Stewart), oafish action-hero types (Diesel, Chiklis), or bulletheaded authority figures (Steve Wilkos, who I have been mistaken for once or twice)….not really the sort of people I want to be associated with. Still, I know all I can do is work with what I have, but I want to know if people have an opinion as to what I can do to stay away from this stereotype I’ve been subjected to.
By the way, PLEASE read my question and don’t just give me an opinion of my picture. I know my question is lengthy, but I wanted to make sure I detailed what I was asking.
neutron – Thanks for not reading my question and giving me a blowoff answer. “Don’t worry about it” is about the laziest excuse for an answer I can think of, and I already mentioned that I shave my head because I have no other choice.
I repeat, PLEASE READ MY QUESTION. I’m not asking whether I look good, or whether bald men are attractive….it’s nice to hear people say nice things about me or my pic (I’m starting to regret posting it since I’m guessing most people simply looked at the pic and decided not to read the text), but what I’m asking is how can I avoid the standard big tough bald bruiser/bouncer stereotype?
And also, please don’t tell me to focus on my “inner beauty” or about having a great personality. Whether we like it or not, looks do matter, and we’re all judged by them whether it’s “fair” or not.
Zoinks – Yes, you DID just blow my mind…because your answer proved that you didn’t bother to read my question.
1) Anyone who believes that everyone who makes judgments based on appearance is shallow is pretty naive.
2) I spent three paragraphs detailing how I didn’t want to be seen as some big meathead, then you prescribed that I attempt to cultivate that very image.
3) I reject answers when I find them simpleminded, unhelpful, and proof that people didn’t bother to read my question thoroughly.
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April 29th, 2010 at 4:25 am
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cut your hair short don’t worry about it
May 1st, 2010 at 8:40 am
Create a video blog
Bald headed men are HOT…………………………………..mmmm yummy pic just be who are and there are girls out there would love to have you the way you are ….i know dont comment just on your pic but you are very nice looking and you dont seem obese so …lighten up on yourself…….
May 1st, 2010 at 4:25 pm
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The best way to change the way people perceive you is for you to change the way you perceive yourself. However, I’m not sure you have this problem. You don’t seem to see yourself as those types. In which case, there is nothing you can do. People as a rule judge by appearance. There is nothing you can do about that. Just give people time to get to know the real you so they can see that their initial judgment was off. I realize this must be difficult when trying to find someone to date. Sooner or later though, you’ll find the person who really sees you for you. Just keep the faith!
May 4th, 2010 at 12:29 pm
Create a video blog…instantly.
you look good.. loosing 100 pounds would make you sick at your height. cause major health problems. maybe a few pounds.. 20? but why?
what you need is to accept you have a unique and wonderful gift in your body. you are adorable. you know that you are someone that others aren’t seeing. the person inside is the important thing. the outside changes with the season.. with sun.. cold.. what if you were hit with a car?? paralyzed? you are the same person.. the character and mind and heart.. that is what makes you the person you are. if you can be confident too.. you are way ahead of the game!!
the main thing.. be confident and be yourself. don’t be what others say to be. don’t crumble. stand firm and tall. be happy in your life. show you know what you are doing, and that you do your work well.. confidence and happiness.. two of the sexiest and most attractive things a person can be.
one learned thing.. learn your language well. learn to speak clearly. write with precision and clarity. if you express yourself well, then you are ahead of the pack.
with that said.. wow.. you are so cute. i’ve a daughter that would think you the sexiest guy she knows!! she and i love men with your shape.. and shaved heads for whatever reason. (who cares? your style is YOUR style.. not theirs!!)
May 4th, 2010 at 4:07 pm
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lol neutron…
I think, like you said, there is only so much you can do with what you have. From your picture, it doesn’t seem like you are the “action hero” type of guy, which is good since that’s not the personality you seem to have.
To be quite honest with you, the best advice I would give would be to make the best use of your PERSONALITY, because in the end, that will be what determines how others think of you. I mean you can change your body in every way to make others think of you differently, but in the end, they’re going to remember/befriend/talk to you because of you personality. You know what I mean?
Besides, in my opinion, as cheesy as it sounds, I think you look great.
May 7th, 2010 at 4:17 pm
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I won’t waste your time and I will get right to the point. “Don’t worry about it” is a pretty bad excuse, but it may branch off into other things. If you were waiting around watching the responses come in and immediately reading everything that comes up, immediately responding to it, then perhaps you have a serious problem. I hope that maybe you would consider staying the way you are — but expressing yourself to be that way. Expressing yourself can help others see that you have no intention of changing. If you feel you must change, I would suggest a psychiatrist, but he’ll probably just tell you that you need to assert yourself better and make it clear that you have no regrets about being the person you are. Then people will perceive you to be a person whom people like to be around, because it makes them feel better. If they have the same problem you do, it makes them feel like there’s hope for them, too. You did it, why not them?
If this doesn’t work, then you have more of a problem than just baldness. Hopefully you won’t need to make a personality change but an aura change — the atmosphere around you may need to be improved, and then everybody else will. Thanks for your time.
May 9th, 2010 at 5:29 pm
female hair loss
Keys you are a good looking guy, the only thing you should think of doing is losing a little weight, not too much, maybe 30 pounds or so and wearing clothes that fit you better (you can ask for advice from a sales lady at a department store), also keep your hair short, nothing worse than a comb over. I think you have to accept that women are going to feel protected when they are with you and there is nothing wrong with that, no woman wants to be with a guy who looks wimpy if she can choose one who doesn’t, it is just part of our nature. Good luck.